Eight Years Ago...

My dear Benjamin,

Eight years ago today, God blessed us with you, our beautiful firstborn son. We were all filled with joy to meet you.

I am so glad I had seven and a half years to be your mommy and see you grow and laugh and love. I do not understand why our time together had to be so short. I had a vision that Mary and Jesus came to your room and gently took your hands in theirs and guided you to Heaven. That has brought me such comfort to know that your Heavenly Mother was there for you so that you would not be scared in your new surroundings.

Happy Birthday, my sweet Benny. I hope that you will be with us in spirit as we celebrate you and the time we had together. I love you, son.

Mommy

waiting it out

In February of 2006, we took a trip to Disneyworld. Ben wanted to do everything. The Tower of Terror was no exception. I can remember the enthusiam that exuded from him as we stood in line. He was still excited as we ascended up the "elevator shaft". But as the ride plummetted, so did his enthusiam. He turned to me and said in a small voice, "I'm scared! I really am." As his mom, I wanted to push a magic button and get us off the ride. But I knew the only thing I could do was to hold him tight until the ride stopped and the scariness was over.

That is how I feel right now. I want God to push the magic button and make this all go away. But all I can do is hold on tight to Him.

Later in the trip, he got a Mr. Incredible outfit complete with muscles (We celebrated his 6th birthday there). His infectous smile and uncontainable enthusiam returned. I knew that the scary feeling had gone for now and in his costume he felt he like he could conquer the world. And he has.

I am still waiting it out, holding on tight. I hope God hears my small voice, calling to Him, "I'm sad. I really am."

Love Your Family

Three days before Ben died, I mailed a package to Tony in Iraq. As usual, the kids filled the package with letters and drawings. Of course, Tony returned home before receiving the package. Yesterday, it finally came back to us. This is one of the pictures that Ben drew. At the time, I know he meant "Love your family" as a close to a letter. However, I think he meant it as a command to us all this time around.

Ben, I am ever so more aware of how important each moment is with our family. Watch over your family during this season of Advent and help us to show our love for one another. I love and miss you.

Mommy

To my pirate on Halloween

Dear Ben,

This was one of your favorite days of the year! Halloween, where you could don your pirate-y things, and run through the neighborhood collecting your pirate booty...all the candy a kid could want. I am going to miss watching you create your latest pirate. You had been working on making your black pirate hat look more like the ones in the Pirates of the Carribean. I think you used most of my scotch tape!

How I miss you son. These "firsts" are the hardest. The first Halloween without you. I pray that you know how very much I cherish the time I had with you, my sweet angel boy. Do you get to dress up in Heaven? I sure hope so.

Love,

Mommy

And the punchline is....

One particularly beautiful day, I had opened the windows to let the fresh air in as we did our schoolwork. Ben had finished his assignments and was dressed up in his cowboy gear. He decided to go out in the backyard to play cowboy. At one point, he wrangled up to the open window and in his best western drawl asked, "Ma'am, you got any soda in there?" I was helping the girls so I told him "No, we're out of soda. Try back later." He played around a bit more but returned to the window with the same question, "Ma'am, you got any soda in there?" Once again I told him there was no soda. He went back to playing in the yard. When he came up to window the third time, and asked the same question "Ma'am, you got any soda in there?" , I decided to play along with his game and said, "What kind of soda will it be?" To which he replied without hestitation, "Make mine Minnesota!!!"

I will never know if he made that up himself or if he had heard it somewhere, but it is such a good representation of his sense of humor that I would like to think it is a Ben original.

Ben, you made me laugh out loud and in my heart every day. You were such a happy guy, you woke up cheerful every morning and always had a hug and kiss for me first thing. Smile down on your family every day from Heaven and bless us with your love.

From Ben's Sisters

Olivia writes:

I remember the time when Ben wanted to watch the movie "That Thing You Do". One day he said, "I want something to do." Mom gave him toys, puzzles, and games but he said, "No, I want something to do", and got "That Thing You Do".

That is one of my favorite memories of Ben. I will never forget it. God Bless you Ben. Olivia

Sophie writes:

On post, there is this water treatment plant by where we live. We call it the "stinky plant". We have to drive past it quite often. About a year ago, we were driving by and Ben asked, "What's that smell, Mom?" Mom told him, "Ben, you know what that smell is. It's the stinky plant". Then he asked her, "Mom, when is that plant going to die?" We all were laughing so hard and everyone we tell still thinks it is funny.

All-time Greatest Stories

There are some things Ben did that will never fade in my memory, but I think that one of the top ten things was the washing machine incident. He was probably 18 months old because we were still in Tennessee and I had my old washer and dryer. The washer was a top loader. Ben was a climber. I would find him in high places daily. I heard his usual cry for help that meant he had climbed on top of something but could not get back down. "HEELLPP!" I started following the sound of his voice but then it seemed like I had passed him. Odd, I thought, the only thing I passed was the laundry closet. "HEELLPP!" So I backed up and there he was in the washing machine while it was in use! I was doing the bleach load, no less. He had stacked the boxes of Tide and opened the lid and must have thought the swirling water looked fun. Now, I happened to be wearing my favorite navy blue t-shirt and there he was bobbing in bleach water. So, quickly I took off the shirt and grabbed him out of the machine and took him directly to the tub for a quick "rinse cycle". He thought the whole experience was great. I could feel the gray hairs developing in my head.

Please share with us your funniest Ben story.